Have you ever tried to recreate someone else’s specialty dish?
My wife and I have a friend who makes an AMAZING broccolini dish. It’s broccolini sautéed with olive oil, garlic, pine nuts, lemon zest, and a few other ingredients. It’s out of this world.
The first time we tasted it, my wife immediately said, “I have to get this recipe!”
Of course, our friend shared the recipe and my wife made it the following week, but the inevitable outcome happened.
It didn’t taste quite the same.
That’s because, when you follow someone’s recipe to the letter, it still rarely turns out as good as when they made it. There’s always some subtle difference – maybe a technique they use without even realizing it, a secret ingredient that didn’t make it onto the recipe card, or just the way it pairs with the other dishes they’ve prepared.
How does this story relate to life?
Recipes aren’t the only thing we try to recreate from others. Trying to recreate someone else’s life is the number one mistake everyone makes. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, we often see someone else’s happy marriage, fitness, or other successes and think, “I want that in my life.”
Sometimes we even ask for the “recipe”:
“What do you do for work”
“What’s the secret, you both look so happy”
“What program are you following”
But these questions only give us a glimpse into their lives. They’re like looking at someone else’s life through a tiny window. It doesn’t allow us to see crucial details like their background, unique experiences, skillset, or personality.
As a result, trying to replicate someone else’s success often leads to disappointment.
Just like the broccolini, it’s not quite the same.
What to do instead?
Ask for the recipe, but be ready to make it your own.
Try adding your own flavor, bring in your favorite ingredients, or combine it with something else you already do well.
For example, if you admire someone’s level of fitness, there’s no harm in asking them what they do to stay in shape. They might say, “I’m strict with my diet—I only eat meat, fruit, and vegetables, and I work out for 60-90 minutes a day.”
You could try to implement their “recipe” into your own life, but you might be missing key “ingredients” from their life that allow them to flourish but would make their routine difficult or impossible when added to your own life.
For example:
They could have a remote job, while you commute into an office.
They may have worked out their whole life, and you’re just getting started.
They enjoy running, but you hate running.
If you try to follow their exact routine, you’re likely to fail—or, if you succeed, you might find yourself miserable.
Instead, try taking the valuable insights you’ve gained and adapting them to your own path and ideal version of success.
Perfecting the recipe:
Like any good recipe, yours will evolve over time.
My wife has made that broccolini dish many times since. Each time tweaking it a little to suit our tastes. And she’s succeeded! By not clinging to the exact recipe, she’s created something truly – uniquely -wonderful.
You might not perfect your “recipe” on the first try, but as you experiment and refine it, you’ll eventually create something that you enjoy and others will admire—and they’ll be asking you for your recipe.
Don’t give up on designing, building, and tweaking your dream life.
